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LCLMAdmin

This author has written 205 articles

The Secret to Effective Communication is Active Listening

Have you ever been told that you don’t understand, even though you think you really do understand? Have you ever had a person tell you something over and over again and wondered why they felt the need to tell you again? If so, the reason is because that person did not feel truly understood. When we do not feel as though the listener understands us, we want to explain it again in order to achieve understanding. Once understanding is communicated, support is felt.

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New Study on Substance Abuse, Depression, and Anxiety among Lawyers

A new study published this month in the Journal of Addiction Medicine confirms that lawyers have higher than average rates of alcohol abuse, depression and stress.  The Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation and the American Bar Association Commission on Lawyer Assistance Programs (CoLAP) collaborated in a survey of over 12,000 attorneys in 19 states (not including Massachusetts).  We know that the legal profession is a stressful profession with prior studies showing higher rates of alcohol abuse and depression than the general population, but find it gravely concerning that the levels of substance abuse, depression and stress remain so high, particularly among younger attorneys. 

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Perfection is not your friend

Let’s be honest, everyone would like to be perfect at what they do. After all, if you were perfect, no one could ever criticize you for anything. And let the honesty continue, we all hate being criticized and judged. It just doesn’t feel good. But I assure you, you too can survive criticism (even harsh criticism). The first place to start is to reject the idea that you need to be perfect. You don’t. You’re not. No one is. And somehow we all find a way to go on surviving despite lacking perfection.

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Increase your resilience and reject scapegoating

Resilience is the ability to adapt and learn from any situation you encounter. Often it is described as the ability to thrive despite the barriers life throws at you. There are many ways of increasing one’s resilience (for example: here, here, and here are previous posts that address this). One common temptation that we all have to reduce tension, which prevents us from developing resilience, is the tendency to blame or find a scapegoat. Scapegoating makes us feel good because it removes the tension we feel that is caused by realizing that we need to make changes to what we are doing. Taking responsibility for our actions or our contributions to a situation often feels vulnerable. Blaming others makes us feel safe in the short term, but in fact it only perpetuates the lack of learning and growth. You cannot learn from a situation and develop resilience by avoiding the discomfort.

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Asleep at the Wheel

My latest Q&A column in Massachusetts Lawyers Journal, “Asleep at the Wheel,” I think, captures what can be the downside, for lawyers and others, of only “living in the moment” – sometimes people find themselves on the verge of losing…

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If only there was an “Off Button” for my mind

One of the most common issues I hear about when it comes to difficulty sleeping is the experience of trying to shut down your mind in order to relax and fall asleep, only to have your thoughts start speeding up and preventing sleep. It is often the case that busy people keep mentally busy throughout the day, holding anxious thoughts at bay due to focusing on other concerns. Only when they start to relax, and stop the mental busyness, do the simmering anxious thoughts in the background heat up to a full boil. Much like when you try to drown out your neighbor’s obnoxiously loud music by turning your stereo up to 11 (Spinal Tap anyone?), only to be berated by that obnoxious music once you turn your stereo off right before bedtime. Instead of continuing to block out the anxious thoughts, there are ways of addressing them proactively.

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The Importance of Sleep

It might be obvious to say, but sleep is really important. No, really. It’s really important. We all know that it is important to get a good night’s sleep, yet most of us do not get adequate sleep at night. The average adult needs 7-9 hours of sleep each night. This, by the way, does not count the minutes/hours spent lying in bed awake, reading, thinking about your day, making to-do lists, etc. I have often had the thought, “Wouldn’t it be great if I only needed an hour of sleep a night? I could be so productive!” This mentality frames sleep as a barrier to productivity. The reality is, adequate sleep is what allows us to be productive in the first place.

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Respect is not a commodity; Respect is a character quality

How can I respect someone who doesn’t respect me? How can I be respectful toward someone who is being aggressive or rude toward me? These are common questions many of us ask when we are faced with the challenge of interacting with people who are not following the Golden Rule. Whether you are 45 or 16, it can be difficult to show someone respect when the other person is doing anything but (whether that be your parent, your child, a supervisor, or opposing counsel).

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Take ownership of your reputation

One of the most common warnings I hear given to new attorneys is that your reputation is key. It takes years to build a reputation and a minute to ruin it. These warnings early on serve to guide attorneys to take their interactions seriously, to commit to acting respectfully and professionally, and to avoid making mistakes that will harm their reputations. On one hand, this is good advice. It can steer you in the right direction. On the other hand, this can be taken as a career death sentence if you ever make a mistake. News flash: We all make mistakes.

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