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Anxiety

Don’t Wait For Your Feelings: Motivation

“I feel ready. Now I can act.” The order of those phrases sounds logical. First you feel ready and then you act on that feeling. No obvious controversy there. Yet some of the common phrases we toss around in everyday conversation are not only inaccurate, but they also negatively affect our abilities to accomplish what we desire. This is often used in terms of assessing our motivation to do something difficult. In this example, waiting to feel motivated (or ready) will most often prevent you from accomplishing something that you never knew was possible. In fact reversing the order of those original ideas is often more accurate and advantageous. I decide to act and then I notice my feelings changing.

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Holiday Success = Managing Expectations

When you ask people what the holiday season means to them, you will probably get as many answers as the people you asked. For some, the holiday season brings up memories (some good, some bad, some ugly, some they hope one day to repress) of years past that they either wish or fear could be repeated each year. It can be difficult to know what to expect and how to prepare. I find it easy to feel overwhelmed and distracted by the bombardment of messages about the holidays (you should feel happy, you should spend time with family, you should throw parties, you should buy lots of stuff, you should make resolutions, you should or shouldn’t eat lots of sweets, you should compete with your neighbor for the most electricity used to light the exterior of your dwelling, etc.). By this time in the season, I’m tempted to start dreaming of life on a deserted island.

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What now? Getting Back to Life in the Post-Election Season

This election cycle has been one for the books, in many ways. It has been time consuming and energy depleting, to say the least. This is not new. Most presidential elections in the US have a high degree of “what if” fears associated with the potential of one candidate being elected over another. If you woke up to find that your candidate lost and your “what if” fears started to feel more like a mild myocardial infarction, just remember to breathe. It won’t feel like this forever. If you woke up feeling encouraged and validated by the election results, congratulations.

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Fake It ‘Till You Make It: Good or Bad Advice?

Many bloggers, psychologists, motivational speakers, and generally knowledgeable and caring people have written about both sides of the idea of faking it until you make it. Just the other day on my twitter feed I saw a couple of tweets that both praised the technique as a way to persevere through obstacles and others that said to steer clear of it because it was inauthentic and harmful to you. So, which is it?

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Try fast – Fail fast – Evaluate fast – Try again fast

The fear of failure is often at the heart of perfectionism. The idea of failure has such a powerful effect on so many of us. We hear messages from multiple sources about the importance of success, the perils of failure, and how failure can taint any accomplishment that one has worked hard to achieve. The more someone fears failure, the more likely they are to avoid trying something that they find challenging. This limits learning and the possibility of achieving something great. Obviously, without risk there can be no reward. So logically we know that we must risk failure to achieve success. I’ll take it further than that: We need failure (yes, failure) in order to achieve success.

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People Pleasing – A slippery slope of good intentions

The phrase “people-pleaser” is not often used as a compliment. It is the tendency to prioritize pleasing others as the cost of almost all else. This can lead to both positive and negative outcomes. The hope of people-pleasers is often to maintain a positive reputation and/or to minimize the displeasure of others. Behind the habit of people-pleasing is a fear. For some, it is the fear of admitting weaknesses or being thought of as less than. For others, it is the fear of what would happen if they disappointed the people whose opinions are most valued.

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Tips on winning the fight against anxiety – Tip #1: Cheat

(originally posted on 7/28/15)

Growing up we all learned that games have rules and you have to play by those rules, otherwise you are cheating. And cheating is bad. If you cheated you were considered a poor sport, someone who couldn’t play nice with others, or someone who just always wanted their way at all costs. Again, all bad. So it’s no wonder that we resist the idea of breaking the agreed-upon rules. So how does this translate into a tip to fight against anxiety? Stay with me.

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Should I Use My Firm’s EAP or LCL?

Lawyers Concerned for Lawyers (LCL) of Massachusetts, like the lawyer assistance programs in all 50 states, is in many ways based on the model of the Employee Assistance Program (EAP), which grew out of the early growth of the AA movement and initially focused almost entirely on alcoholism.  The first official EAP seems to have been developed by the Kemper insurance company in 1962.  Over the years, employee and lawyer assistance programs have greatly expanded their scope to include a wide range of human issues including emotional, family, and occupational sources of distress, and in many cases have been credited with saving the careers of people who would otherwise have lost their jobs.

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Approach your fears and they get smaller

Our natural instinct toward the things we fear is to avoid them. Our logic, although most often beneath our awareness, is that if we ignore it, it will go away. Ignorance is bliss. Or at least we hope it is. Unfortunately, this approach leads to increased anxiety, as opposed to a decrease. Anxiety (unhealthy fear) is like a weed. It often grows to take up the space that you give it. Avoiding something that makes you anxious usually results in that anxiety growing and impacting your life to a greater degree.

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